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For the better part of a year, I’ve had designs on a second article detailing my history with a pen that is important to me and foundational to where I find myself in the hobby after 8 years. The first such article is here.
I figured the second article would be of similar style to the first. But each time I have started writing the sentences it’s not coming together the same way. Looking back at the first article and remembering what my mindset and feelings were like last summer, I realize I’m in a different place mentally. There was a lot of enthusiasm 12 months ago for all the things I wanted to talk about. Concepts for this and plans for that. Many words were written to express everything stationery-related that had built up in my mind. Then, in the fall, a new position at work put more on my plate and free time became more committed to trying to relax than to undertake projects for publication here. There was still a lot to write but the balance was changing. Today, things have settled into a regular but less frequent output.
I know I can write the second article. I was a history major; we can always give you around a thousand words about something if the need arises. I just don’t know that it will pour out of me like the first article did. There isn’t as much water sitting behind the dam anymore. A good bit has been released downstream and the pressure has equalized.
A lot of my writing happens in large continuous bursts. My entries here are usually done all in one shot. Consider it a holdover from the college days when I wrote countless papers to eventually be that history major. I may occasionally do a broad outline for something I post here, but I almost never do a draft & revise process over multiple sessions. The spontaneity of the taking the first step and seeing where it goes, for however long it takes, is what typically gives me good results. I tend to figure things out as I write about them, not before. Now I find myself asking if I can write something important to me in another way than I am used to. Do I have the tools to come up with plan B because plan A isn’t working? Honestly, plan A wasn’t really a plan at all so much as just opening the floodgates on that dam. Either way, I’m having a hard time getting where I want to go.
I’ve mentioned before that I find many things to appreciate and ponder from Emerson, specifically the collection of his journals pictured above. When I feel bereft of ideas or direction, I know Emerson will give something to latch on to. Today, he gave me this…
From this, let’s resolve to see the writing we want to do in a different way. Rather than perceiving a problem of how will it happen, we should return to what’s within us that wants to be expressed. Let the page be filled with everything about the subject that moves you. What you want to say is there. If you put yourself on that page, it must be there.
